Love, lao ren style

When we are young falling in love is easy. We are emotionally fearless and full of affections. But what happens when we are old and lonely? No longer bold and unafraid, but full of fears, prejudices, insecurities and hesitations which we accumulate over a lifetime? What happens then? This is an improbable story about two senior adults who decide to take a chance with vulnerability and consequently discover the transformative power of love.

From the moment she was able to count, Lu Jiabei was fascinated by symmetry; she yearned to apply her sense of organization to any situation she encountered. To her mind, categorization was harmony, disorder was unpleasant and she was exceedingly good at the process of it all. As class leader throughout primary school, she insisted that her peers’ form two distinct lines as they queued up for lunch break: one line for girls and the other for boys, shortest to tallest. If there were two classmates of equal height, then the younger of the two would precede the other in line. She had even provided for the rare instance when two classmates had the same birthdate: the one with the higher score on the most recent exam would prevail. She was prepared for any eventuality. But Jiabei’s sense of order was not regimented or harsh. She was never sharp about the imposition of her methods, instead those appearing cynical with her sense of uniformity, she won over through friendly, practical discussion leaving her critic appearing to be a proponent of chaos. In the end, she was simply clever and all her instincts led her to a prosperous business organizing tours and local events.

Jiabei is petite. But size is irrelevant as she is a cerebral powerhouse; a manager at heart, always advancing towards the objective. Today she is 81, a widow and living in Peace and Serenity, a senior living development in Wuxi, China. She has lived there since her husband died seven years ago of an aneurysm. One night as they sat in their living room, he suddenly moaned, called out her name and reached across the sofa for her. As his hand reached her arm, touching her gently, a final caress and he collapsed; his head fell into her lap and he was dead. It all happened in five-seconds, a lifetime was extinguished in a moment for which she was totally unprepared. Jiabei was left feeling betrayed by life as there had been no opportunity to prepare much less say goodbye. Though unfair as she recognized it, dwelling upon this would produce nothing but bitterness, and this was useless to her innate, pragmatic self. Six months later she saw no more merit living alone and decided to leave their large house and relocate to Peace and Serenity. The decision was easy; Jiabei had no children, no sisters, no brothers and no extended family to consult. Her friends, of which there are many, did indeed support her decision to move. In fact, they were curious about Peace and Serenity and promised to visit and inspect for their own purposes as well.

At Peace and Serenity, Jiabei was one of the first people to move into the new development. That didn’t dissuade her from doing what she had always done. Soon after arranging her belongings, she contacted the management and presented a list of items she felt were lacking or could be enhanced. This list was extensive ranging from better organization of the kitchen, improved sales process, additional activities, and so on. From Jiabei’s perspective, Peace and Serenity was the right place for her…it needed what she had in abundance. The development had potential; it just needed some organizational discipline. It needed her and she knew that. Without a business any longer and with no husband, she desperately needed to belong again.

As the years at Peace and Serenity passed, Jiabei became indispensable to the management team. Her instinct for expedited administration was essential and in large part responsible for the facility’s curb appeal and rapid occupancy. She was known affectionately as the “boss” by many of those who worked at the company.

Yang Haoming is a large man, tall and barrel-chested. He is a warm and friendly person, naturally trustworthy and reliable and there is a permanent smile on his face that makes him eminently approachable. For most of his adult life, Haoming was a professor of history at a major university in Shanghai. He is also a good cook, specializing in the delicious dishes from Hunan where his mother was from. From his earliest social encounters as a child, Haoming was known for naturally projecting a gravity which drew people to him, although he never purposely sought the spotlight. 

Today, Haoming is 80 and moved into Peace and Serenity, two years ago largely at the prompting, or insistence, of his only child and son, Haishan. Haishan lives in Malaysia and is a busy manager for a major Chinese technology company. Three years ago, Haoming lost his wife after 50 years of marriage. Her death was difficult; she had heart surgery and her recovery was complicated by an infection which she never was able to overcome. For a long time since the heartbreaking moments immediately after her death, Haoming was at a loss. His life was in disarray and their apartment transitioned from a nicely kept two bedroom flat to an unrecognizable mess. He also ate poorly since his wife’s passing and has gained a considerable amount of weight. Prior to his move to Peace and Serenity, Haoming moped around, aimlessly walking the neighborhood and loitering on corners. At a point nearly eight months after his wife’s death, Haoming became so disconsolate, that two of his friends contacted Haishan and alerted him to his father’s odd behavior. Haishan excused himself from his professional obligations and flew to Shanghai the next day.

When Haishan arrived at his father’s apartment he was astonished at its condition and immediately knew his father could not continue there. The apartment wasn’t just messy; it was disastrous and looked like a burglary had occurred. What surprised Haishan most of all, was that his father had gathered up all of his mother’s belongings; there were three suitcases, some full and closed, some partially packed, containing all her clothes and personal effects. Haishan was speechless and tried to discuss the situation with his father, but he refused. It was obvious to him that Haoming was deeply troubled by remaining in the apartment. After three days with him in Shanghai, Haishan concluded his father needed a change and another living arrangement was necessary. For Haoming to remain in the apartment might be dangerous, Haishan concluded his father was wasting away and his obvious depression could deepen irreparably. 

On the morning of the fourth day of his visit, Haishan’s mind was made up. He asked his father to take a small trip with him. They got into a taxi and Haishan gave the driver directions to Peace and Serenity. Haoming did not recognize the destination but as the taxi drove on, Haishan began to explain where they were going and why. Once he understood, Haoming simply said “no”…he would not consider such a move. But Haishan insisted and told his father that under no circumstances would he permit him to remain in the apartment. The big man was at a disadvantage in this debate: he could not focus on the argument the way his son could as much of his mind still mourned his wife’s passing. Haoming realized as they got closer to Peace and Serenity that he would likely lose this quarrel, his son’s insistence was berating. He simply wanted to be left alone, be it in his apartment or wherever.

Four months later, Haishan returned to Shanghai and would entertain no further objection to his father’s relocation. He had made all the arrangements with Peace and Serenity prior to his arrival; after all, the sooner the better in his view: that was the best decision. Haishan further rationalized that Haoming could not come to Malaysia; such a move was out of the question. There were simply too many variables in his life and his father’s health was not suitable for the exceedingly hot Malay climate. The morning after Haishan’s arrival, he moved his father into an apartment in Peace and Serenity. In the afternoon, he signed the paperwork, executed all deposits and paid the final fees. There was no cost to his father, Haishan took care of the entire  expense, as a dutiful son should, which exceeded the rent Haoming would receive on his apartment.

The welcoming team helped move Haoming into the one bedroom apartment on the second floor of building D. At four o’clock, Haishan and his father had tea together in the new apartment. Both were silent and didn’t speak. An hour later, Haishan needed to take a car back to Pudong airport to catch his return flight to Kuala Lumpur. They said goodbye with his son promising to return in the fall for national holiday. In the car ride to Pudong, he fought back his guilt by telling himself his father was safer and better off at Peace and Serenity. He was aware that his career was taking an inordinate amount time out of his life, so much that he was forced to place his father into a senior living facility. Nevertheless, Haishan reasoned, it was for his father’s benefit, even if he lived in Shanghai he would be poorly equipped to care for Haoming. The deed was done; he needed to move on and his father needed to reestablish himself.

By the end of the week of Haoming’s arrival at Peace and Serenity, Jiabei was busy preparing welcome messages to the six new residents. She had researched each newcomer and deemed three of them excellent candidates to join a new singing group and she wanted to recruit them quickly. Printing out the invitations, she shut off her computer and headed out to visit them before dinner. On her second delivery, apartment D202, she knocked on the door a few times but there was no answer. Jiabei found this odd as there were no activities going on at that hour and most residents were in their apartments preparing for dinner. She waited for a minute then decided to slip the notice under the door.

As Jiabei turned and began to walk away, the door to D202 opened. She was surprised to see such a large man, and like hers, his hair was fiery white.

“Good Afternoon, Sir! I am Lu Jiabei head of the Organizing Committee and I want to welcome you to our new singing club!” Jiabei was polite and energetic.

Haoming for his part was equally surprised to see such a small woman asking him to join a singing group, in fact, it was the first invitation he had received in nearly two years.

“I don’t sing, I just want to be alone.” Haoming replied muttering lowly. He began to shut the door when Jiabei chirped again, “Everyone can sing! Just open your heart and let the music out!”

Haoming shut the door and returned to his TV. ‘Everyone can sing….open your heart’ he mocked Jiabei’s words to himself. Then as he sat down on his couch he asked himself out loud, ‘May I just watch my TV please…?’

Jiabei dismissed Haoming’s refusal to join as simply what most newcomers do. In her experience, and according to her records, 75% of new residents usually take 6 months to get used to the environment of Peace and Serenity. After which 65% often join in some activity…so she knew there was a good chance to win over Haoming eventually, especially since she had access to his file and knew he was a widower. He would soon seek out new friends.

Haoming took his time settling into Peace and Serenity, he was in no rush. Over the next year, Haoming gradually grew into the environment and became more at ease with all the residents. His interactions with Jiabei also became more frequent as she often asked him to join one of the many groups she had organized.

Two months after his one year anniversary, Haoming was walking from the administrator’s office, where he had filed a complaint about poor TV reception, towards the cafeteria for lunch. As he left the office, he decided that instead of the direct path, he would detour and walk through the garden slightly out of the way. As he entered under the moon gate, to his left there were a series of stone benches. Haoming’s quick eye noticed a lady’s pocketbook lying on the second bench. He looked up, scanned the immediate area but saw no one else in the garden, he was alone and reasoned it must have been forgotten by another resident. Instinctively, he picked up the purse and hurried back to the administrator’s office and opened the door. A bit out of breath, Haoming held up the purse so everyone could see it and  announced to the three ladies sitting there that he had just found an item in the garden.

Haoming puffed, “Ladies, I found this on my way to the cafeteria, it was on a bench in the garden. There was no one around so I decided to bring it directly to you.” The ladies on duty, Jiabei and her two friends were a bit startled.

Quickly understanding the moment for what it was, Jiabei stood up, “Well, what a good deed you have done, Sir! You are the resident of the week I should say!” Jiabei exclaimed. Her two friends looked up at Haoming and nodded in agreement. She approached Haoming and offered to place the bag in the wall safe until it was claimed. The ladies all complimented Haoming and praised him as a hero.

Haoming realized that with this talk about heroes, his action might draw unwanted attention to himself. All he had wanted to do was return the purse to its owner; he had no interest in being called the resident of the week. 

“No…that is not necessary…please just return the bag to the owner…that is all I wish.” Haoming turned quickly and left the administrator’s office then headed to the cafeteria. He recognized the woman in the office as that same person who starts all the groups…singing, sewing and Mahjong…he wondered how she had all that energy.

Not more than an hour later, as Haoming was nearly done with his lunch a commotion began at one end of the cafeteria. The squawk of a microphone, some static, then a woman’s voice began to speak:

“Ladies and Gentlemen…I have a request. A woman’s pocketbook has been discovered by one of our good, honest residents who has returned it to the administration office. If you are missing such an item, please come see me soon!” Jiabei continued, “Our resident does not wish to be identified as he is so humble, but I want everyone to give a round of applause to our secret, honorable policeman!”

Haoming nearly choked on his soup as Jiabei spoke these final words ‘honorable policeman’. He gathered himself, said good afternoon to his friends he was sitting with, stood and began to leave the cafeteria as everyone clapped hoping no one would connect him with this Jiabei’s words.

As his basic nature was to be outgoing, it was inevitable that Haoming would become more and more immersed in Peace and Serenity but he did not want to be singled out. About six months after the episode involving the pocketbook, Jiabei was walking to the Activities Building to attend singing class with some friends when he turned the corner and nearly bumped into a group of ladies.

Haoming apologized for his haste, “Forgive me,Ladies, I am careless. I nearly ran into you!”

Jiabei and her friends exclaimed, “Quite all right, Sir, We were not looking where we were going.”

“Please allow me…” Haoming reached to open the door to the Activities Building. The ladies lined up, stepped up the single stair and entered the building. It had been raining earlier that morning and as Jiabei took her turn, she miscalculated the height of the stair, suddenly slipped and lost her balance. Haoming was attentive and quickly caught her with his free hand which he swiftly placed behind her back. Jiabei’s friends shrieked as they saw her tumble backward onto the stairs. But Haoming’s strength saved her and stopped her fall a split second before her head hit the hard marble step. He had prevented a serious injury.

Jiabei was light; Haoming estimated no more than 35 kilos. But even though she was lean, the dynamic of her fall caught him off balance and he had no choice but to shift his weight, release the door and nimbly move his other hand under her legs to pick her up, thereby regaining his footing. In doing so, Haoming put too much pressure on his left leg and he felt the sudden tear of his thigh muscle. It ripped and the pain shot deep into his back. But he could not release Jiabei or the two of them would have suffered greater injuries; no doubt he would have fallen on her. He summoned all his strength and suppressed the pain. Holding Jiabei in his arms, he asked the ladies to open the door so he could place her on the couch just inside the building. He was concerned that she might faint or possibly have twisted her ankle in the fall. Haoming laid her down gently on the sofa and instructed one of the ladies to get the nurse immediately. Jiabei was dazed, not so much from the slip, but how fast it all had happened. Just how rapidly Haoming had reacted left her breathless.

Jiabei lay there on the sofa and spoke up, “Thank you Haoming. I was very clumsy.”

“Are you all right?” Haoming asked, “The nurse will be here any moment. Please stay calm.”

“I am fine…luckily no damage,” Jiabei replied.

“Let’s make sure and have the nurse look at your ankle. That was a nasty twist…you might have hurt yourself badly,” Haoming rationalized. He didn’t know it but his words were pure caring to Jiabei’s ears. This was the first time in years that a man had asked about her well being much less saved her from an injury. It was at this point that Jiabei realized she was smitten with this gentleman.

Haoming was kneeling at the sofa’s edge speaking to Jiabei when the nurse arrived. As she approached Jiabei, Haoming tried to stand but the pain in his leg and back was so great that he winced horribly and struggled to get upright.

“Haoming!” Jiabei cried…”You are hurt!”

“No…I am fine just an old injury…some stiffness in my back”. Haoming regained his balance and excused himself. “You are in good hands now, Jiabei. I am going to leave you to the nurse.” Haoming said goodbye and limped back to his apartment; the pain was excruciating.

Jiabei’s girlfriends watched the whole encounter in awe. They were not sure what to make of this event but they both knew something of material importance had just transpired between their friend and Haoming. Jiabei clearly felt the moment acutely. That evening as she lay in bed with the window open, a soft breeze from the freshwater canals of Wuxi cooled her apartment as her thoughts drifted to Haoming. This large, handsome man, on two occasions no less, had demonstrated superior character. She tucked her pillow under her head for further support as she fell into reflection. With a deep sigh, she recognized within herself the rise of an emotion that she long ago lost, it was more than a feeling of comfort, more than the sensation of reassurance. For a woman such as Jiabei, whose daily life was founded on order, predictability and equilibrium, Haoming had introduced an element of spontaneity that inspired her to the point of elation. For the first time in years, she felt the promise of youth and the sense that the future held excitement. She acknowledged to herself as she pulled her silk sheet closer, that her feeling for Haoming was a bit scary, but not so much that she felt out of control. She sensed Haoming was trustworthy and that made all the difference. Jiabei closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep as the crisp air refreshed her thoughts and brought her a dream of Haoming and exciting journeys ahead.

For the next two days, Haoming could not get out of bed. His leg and back were simply too painful to move for any extended distance. Jiabei was growing increasingly concerned not having seen him at all, not in the cafeteria, not in any activity; he was nowhere to be found. 

On the afternoon of the third day, Jiabei organized the nurse for a trip to visit Haoming. She felt guilty not having done this earlier but she had held off not wanting to publicly appear overly interested. With the nurse in tow, they marched up to Haoming’s apartment and knocked on the door. Jiabei announced herself and the nurse’s presence in a loud voice so he might hear them even if he were in his bedroom. But Haoming was not in bed, he was in his pajamas watching TV on his couch. When he heard Jiabei’s voice he told her and the nurse to enter and was sorry he could not greet them at the door but he was too sore to walk.

Jiabei and the nurse entered immediately and found Haoming drinking tea…looking pained but resting. The nurse immediately began to examine Haoming asking many questions on how and where he had discomfort. After a few minutes, she was satisfied that it was merely a strained muscle and suggested that additional bed rest along with liniment of menthol would speed his recovery. Before she left Haoming’s apartment, the nurse insisted he begin to move about in two days’ time using a special walker that she would have delivered later in the evening. With her job completed, the nurse said goodnight to both and left.

After the nurse left, Haoming spoke up, “Jiabei, thank you for your concern but I am quickly on the mend. You needn’t be too concerned. The nurse herself says I should be ok in a few days.”

Jiabei responded flatly, “Haoming, you saved me from a near disaster and hurt yourself in the process. I am indebted to you and must see that you recover…besides, your apartment needs a bit of order.” Jiabei was firm as she glanced about the messy apartment.

Haoming grumbled and Jiabei went about her job setting the apartment in good order. But before she began, she gave Haoming a fresh cup of tea and some fruit from his kitchen. He was now more comfortable and she could get to work tidying up.

For the next week, Jiabei would appear at Haoming’s apartment sometimes bringing him breakfast at other times just to visit. Afterward she would help him stand and learn to maneuver the walker. It was a clumsy device and too much for what Haoming really needed. After some thought, she knew what he required was something smaller and easier to use, which gave Jiabei an idea. The next day, she left Peace and Serenity and went to the local market to purchase a stout wooden cane just the right size for Haoming’s height and weight. She was very excited about giving it to him and hoped he would like it. Jiabei concocted a plan to gift it to him at tea that afternoon.

Jiabei knocked on Haoming’s door and announced herself as she usually did. Haoming responded by asking her to come in, he was in the kitchen cooking and couldn’t make to the door so fast with his walker.

Once Haoming opened the door Jiabei inquired, “Are you ready for our walk and some tea in the garden, Haoming?”

Haoming was in a good mood that day as he was beginning to feel stronger, “Yes, I am…and I think I am ready to move away from this darn walker…it is so much trouble.”

Jiabei’s excitement grew at the prospect of giving Haoming the cane, “Haoming…let’s get you downstairs first and see how you are going before we make that move.”

Haoming agreed with her and they began the short trek to the garden where Jiabei had a thermos of tea and her gift of a beautiful wooden cane. She carefully hid the cane nearby and planned to present it after a few minutes of friendly discussion.

It was 4pm in early September and unusually dry and cool for that time of year in Wuxi. Jiabei and Haoming both remarked that the garden was very pleasant and next week was an exciting time: Harvest Festival and an auspicious occasion.

After a minute of silence, Jiabei spoke, “Haoming…I know I have thanked you for your saving me when I slipped and I don’t want to repeat myself but I am grateful…I could have seriously hurt myself and you…you suffered an injury on my behalf.”

“Jiabei…please, I am fine now. I was there, I held the door for you and I could not have let you fall. My reflex was automatic. Look at me now…I am nearly fully recovered!” Haoming exclaimed.

Jiabei continued, “Yes...you have recovered nicely. And Haoming…I just want to say that…” Jiabei searched for the words that would precede her giving the gift to Haoming. It was excruciating for her…she needed the right formula of words…her feelings for Haoming hung in the balance.

“Yes…?” Haoming said.

Jiabei summoned all her courage and then just blurted out, looking directly at Haoming, “Well…I enjoy your company, Haoming…I do. And I want to let you know that.” Jiabei stood up quickly and pulled the gift from a stand of bushes next to the bench and presented it to Haoming saying, “Here…this is a gift for you.”

Looking up at Jiabei and receiving the cane in both hands, Haoming was bewildered, “What…have you done Jiabei….? I…I am not sure what…” Haoming was speechless. 

Jiabei clapped her hands together giggling like a school girl, “This is for you Haoming…I bought it for you as I knew you didn’t need a walker anymore but a cane might help you from time to time!” Jiabei smiled broadly…she was happy. Haoming passed the cane from one hand to another…it was well polished and had a neatly carved handle. It was obvious to him a great deal of care went into its making.

“Jiabei…thank you…It is a precious and thoughtful gift.” At that moment Haoming felt something he had not experienced in years. He was overcome with the feeling of gratitude and compassion for Jiabei. She had been so attentive to him over the past few weeks and now she had gone even further and gifted him a useful cane. As he reviewed his feelings his thoughts took yet another step and he wondered what his life would be like at Peace and Serenity without Jiabei. It was a bit confusing to him but abruptly, one thing was clear to him, she was important in his life. Haoming continued to stare at the cane while processing his feelings, trying to understand this new door that was opening in his life.

“Do you like it, Haoming?” Jiabei was concerned with his silence.

Haoming looked back up at Jiabei, “Yes…without a single doubt Jiabei…I was just thinking to myself.”

“About what, Haoming…is something wrong?” Jiabei was concerned…she sat down beside him and sympathetically placed her hand on his forearm.

“Jiabei…I am not sure how to say this…I am confused and disoriented…but I would like to make dinner for you tonight…would you accept?” Haoming asked humbly. Seldom had Jiabei heard words more heartfelt and sincere. She could feel his struggle and the courage it took to ask her this question. It was a step on Haoming’s part that was prompted by a feeling rather than his rationale; he sensed he was moving through that new open door he recognized a second earlier. Immediately after he asked Jiabei, he realized what he had done and a fear of a possible rejection overcame him.

But Jiabei accepted gratefully, “Oh Haoming…I would love that! Let’s go now to the market and buy provisions for our dinner…shall we?” Jiabei was over the moon at this suggestion, she felt young and courted. All her earlier contemplations were now confirmed, she realized that Haoming’s presence was exciting for her. For Jiabei, her feelings for Haoming were settled.

Haoming exhaled a lifetime’s worth of anxieties hearing Jiabei’s words of acceptance. And although Jiabei didn’t notice, Haoming’s eyes grew red and teary. Instantly, he was full of life and in a way he had not felt since before his wife died. The enchantment of the moment swelled his large heart even larger; invigorating every molecule of his being…he had never felt so alive than at that moment, right then and right there with Jiabei. It was an instant he wished he could keep forever.

For the next year, Jiabei and Haoming spent more and more time together. They vacationed frequently and often prepared dinners in each other’s apartments, away from the distracting noise of the cafeteria and of course the gossip of their neighbors. They took the rumors in stride, as both were aware of their growing affection. By the time I met them, the early days of their courtship were over and it is fair to say that they were a stable couple.

I am now in Peace and Serenity’s garden with Jiabei and Haoming sitting across from me. They are seated on the same bench where Haoming found the pocket-book. To see them one might think they have been partners for 60 years; holding hands, they smile at each other often and when I ask a question they turn and gaze into each other’s eyes like teenagers, then one of them answers. It is a remarkable sight and hard to fathom just how fortunate they are.

“Haoming and Jiabei…I want to know a lot of things about the two of you,” I say. “But most of all I want to know what was the biggest challenge you faced during your courtship?”

Jiabei turns serious for a minute and responds as if she has prepared an outline and beginning to set forth the obstacles. “Well, I will answer for myself and Haoming can tell you his story. For me, I was lonely and although my work here at Peace and Serenity is rewarding, I missed male companionship. After I met Haoming, I wanted to learn more about him but I understood he had a hard time before he came here. He needed time to adjust…it wanted to help him but he needed to do it himself. Waiting like that was difficult for me.”

“Jiabei, weren’t you concerned about entering into a relationship at your age might entail? There is a lot of risk…a lot of things you need to overcome…personal issues?” I pose this direct question to her but I think I know how she will answer.

“No. I was fond of Haoming from the start. He is a very handsome man…tall, smart and kind. I observed his deeds here and there and I was convinced he was a good man.” Jiabei responds just as I imagined she might. She tightens her grip on Haoming’s large hand and rests her head against his shoulder. Jiabei says one more thing before she is done, “Haoming is a big-hearted man…strong and protective. But he is also the tenderest person I know…so gentle.” Jiabei lets these words drift off and ends her description there.

I think to myself ’tenderness’, that is an often overlooked word in a relationship these days. In fact, I seldom hear it. And now Jiabei uses it in a way that expresses both how Haoming treats her and something which she needs. I suppose at their age the software of love: warmth, compassion, sensitivity, tenderness, and of course, understanding, become supreme in a relationship. Then again I think, of course, these qualities are vital to all relationships; but Jiabei and Haoming, at their age prioritize differently and pay closer attention to these essentials.

“And Haoming.” I begin, “Understandably, your experience may have been different. Can you tell me how you came to be so fond of Jiabei?”

Haoming chuckles, “Probably because she is so persistent!” Jiabei smiles at his remark and playfully taps his leg with her hand in an affectionate motion. I recognize that small gesture on Jiabei’s part, it underscores how comfortable they have become with one another.

“Yes, she is…I can see that,” I say, “But, Haoming…tell me about the difficult times...can you?”

Haoming begins immediately, “My son, Haishan was firmly against any communication with Jiabei. I tried to ask him why he felt so strongly about this but his argument was mostly in support of his own feelings and not mine. He accused her of all sorts of terrible things, even conspiring to take my old apartment from me. Haishan even spoke to the manager of Peace and Serenity. He felt she was a menace and would lead to trouble for me. But, there was another problem also. And I know this only now because I took a risk and was lucky. But, I was afraid, afraid of a lot of things. Mostly, I was fearful about liking Jiabei and what that might mean for me. I never thought I could be so comfortable again in my life. But Jiabei made it safe for me to express how I felt.” Haoming, at 80 years old, shows extraordinary self-awareness. His words are simple but they provide a complete picture of his journey.

“What does Haishan say now?” I wonder out loud to Haoming.

Haoming shrugs his shoulders, “Regrettably, he hasn’t spoken to me in five months since I told him that Jiabei was now my girlfriend. I tried to explain to him that this is my life and I need to be happy.”

“Wow…” I am amazed at the turn of events I am hearing. It appears to be a reversal of roles between parent and child. I hope that Haishan comes around and can appreciate what, in a very real way, he enabled for his father.

Haoming continues, “Haishan was angry and said I did not show him any gratitude for saving me from my squalid existence at my old apartment. But I told him, the contrary was true: I was indeed very grateful because if it was not for him, I would not have met Jiabei. He was very angry at that remark.”

“So, here we are…Haoming and Jiabei in love…and happy at Peace and Serenity. What happens next?” I ask them both.

Jiabei, who had been silent for much of the last few minutes resting her head on Haoming’s large frame, perks up at my question.

“First, we are going to consolidate our apartments! That is the most economical decision now. We can save quite a lot of money. Second, we are planning a small vacation to Hainan. This will give us a nice break from Peace and Serenity” Jiabei is giddy at these prospects.

“Congratulations!” I said. I am a bit surprised by this last piece of information. I continue, “I am curious, what do all your friends say to you here at Peace and Serenity?”

Jiabei jumps at this answer, “Oh they tease us and call us kids…but I think it is all in good fun. Perhaps they envy us.”

I nod in agreement. Of this I am certain…envy…possibly jealousy and maybe even some condescension. I then ask, “And the management…have they commented at all?”

Jiabei responds again, “I spoke with them early on when they inquired after rumors that had been swirling at Peace and Serenity…I reminded them of our independence. They are no longer concerned.” I can imagine this conversation…Jiabei was no doubt her practical self…crafting a forceful argument and trapping management in a position where they found themselves in a predicament: arguing against the happiness of their residents. It seems as if Jiabei, as only she could, effectively silenced this matter.

Haoming and Jiabei announce that they are late for their calligraphy class and must get going. We stand and say goodbye, they turn and walk on; Haoming using his cane with one hand, his other arm warmly around Jiabei’s shoulders. In turn, she wraps her arm around his waist. They disappear around the corner and back into their private lives, supporting each other and together, leaning into life.

For my part, I sit back down and begin to put all the pieces of this inspiring story together. I am not sure if it is complicated or simple; maybe I am just trying to make it complicated. But I am left with two irrefutable facts: first, Jiabei and Haoming are clearly in love, however unlikely that might be, second, in order to get to where they are now, they needed to defeat a life-time’s worth of protective experience in order to prevail over their fears and reveal to each other their vulnerabilities, which no doubt was difficult. Each of them, in their quiet moments, struggled to understand their attraction to one another and its implications. I am certain from time to time they independently reasoned that either the safety of their apartment or being cloistered away with friends might be more wise, avoiding the risk of hurt.

Exactly how Haoming and Jiabei’s relationship happened remains a mystery. But perhaps early on they recognized that each one offered the other something that is at the heart of what the other needed. Indeed there is proportionality, a fit to them that is rare. Maybe it just felt so good to be together that there was no denying it…or maybe they never really spoke outwardly about it and it just happened. There are a lot of maybe’s here…it is difficult to analyze the chemistry of Jiabei and Haoming. What is important is that their lives have undergone rejuvenation.

Before we parted I asked them one last question which I hoped might reveal more about what they think of themselves. I asked them whether had they had met 60 years ago, would they have fallen in love? Is their attraction to each other intrinsic?.. Is it destiny? Or is it more related to their environment and their needs today? Their answer is surprising, and almost in unison, they respond that their love for each other is all about today, where they are presently and what each needs now. In fact, I believe they feel that their histories are irrelevant. There is no fantasy here, no pretense of long lost soulmates, they are mature adults and both firmly rooted in reality, which is refreshing. For them being together is spontaneous and to be so unconstrained at their age is a miraculous and wonderful thing.

I now sit in the garden watching other seniors walk around, some alone, some in groups, a few couples; none of whom seem as alive as do Haoming and Jiabei. The thought occurs to me that what I have listened to, is a transcendental chronicle on the enduring and regenerative nature of love that proves how an affectionate human bond, fortified with compassion, is a force for positive transformation. Indeed, finding a devoted relationship at their age has no equivalent, and nothing…no spa treatment, no tai chi class, no yoga session, no enzyme or stem cell therapy could be more curative than love, lao ren style.

Authors note: Lao ren is chinese pin-yin, and means ‘old people’.